Paradise Lost
by Jander Panell
Summary: AU. Zexion, always possessive, is jealous of Demyx's new young charge. Even if he happens to be four times her age. Very angsty. Abuse, OC's, and a very questionable portrayal of Demyx. Zemyx, mentioned AkuZeku and AkuRoku. Not for the faint of heart.
1. Part I

**Paradise Lost**

_AU. Zexion, always possessive, is jealous of Demyx's new young charge. Even if he happens to be four times her age. Very angsty._

Rating: M

Pairings: Zemyx, mentioned AkuZeku, AkuRoku, and Axel/Larxene. Sheez, Axel sure gets around.

Warnings: Slash, OC's, abuse, abusive!Demyx, AU, mentions of sex, bad language, first person

Lately these days it seems I've been posting up a lot of "not for the faint of heart" stories.

I've had this for a while, actually. This is a part of a universe, I suppose, in which Zexion and Demyx are college students and are involved in a very abusive, sadomasochistic relationship. It's fun to write if only for a darker view of Zemyx, and I've produced a lot of PWP's for it, but never thought of posting them up here. Maybe I will someday. Eventually, this universe acquired something of a life of its own, and became the basis for an original novel centering around a girl in love with her gay childhood friend (I think I've mentioned this novel a few times before).

The stories in this verse (which I call Sadist!Demyx verse, due to his predominant characterization--I claim canon basis for a sadistic portrayal from that single "Silence, traitor!" line XD) run the gamut from pure PWP's to massive angst fests. This one definitely tilts more towards the "angsty" side of the spectrum. I wrote it as a oneshot, but it was so long I chose to split it into three parts. One principle, I am opposed to first person fanfiction, but I thought to try something different for once. Writing first person in this verse has led me to reconsider my previous opinion on that POV (from NEVAR!!! to "okay in moderation"), as well as the novel being written as a series of alternating first person POV's.

BTW, _Tainted _is being updated sometime tonight. I'm making slow but sure progress on the twenty-eighth chapter.

Also, to fulfill my quota, I will advertise my fictionpress again. Look in particular at the profile for an upcoming project, **Broken Memory**, that will be my hugest writing investment yet. So it'd be nice if I could get some crossover readership for it from my fanfiction audience.

* * *

Is it wrong to be jealous of a five-year-old? I suppose it depends on how old you are. If you're six, seven, eight, well, it is perfectly all right to be jealous of, say, a five-year-old younger sibling who receives all of your parents' attention. Perhaps it's even acceptable for a ten-year-old. But any older than that...you _can't _feel jealous of a five-year-old little kid. It's just wrong. For a teenager, it's petty at best, ridiculously immature at worst. After all, you _are _much older than they are. _You _are supposed to be the responsible adult, the one who takes care of your cute younger sibling.

Then that makes it all the worse that I have recently turned twenty years old, and I will admit that I am jealous of a five-year-old.

* * *

It's entirely stupid. I _know _it is. But then again...maybe that's the sort of person I am. I never thought of myself as a jealous person before--just someone who had an unusual propensity for seeking out possessive boyfriends. But perhaps we go together. I demand all of their attention--they demand all of mine. It works symbiotically, in the most screwed up way possible.

Perhaps I should have foreseen this. Already, when I'd first heard about Axel's new fifteen-year-old boyfriend, I'd felt a stab of jealousy. I wasn't willing to admit it at the time, because I hated Axel--I still do. We weren't even dating anymore. But against all reason, I felt _jealous. _Strangely I never felt that way about Larxene, but then again, it was plain as day to even Larxene that Axel hated her. But the high-schooler...was different. I saw him and Axel together, several times, and they couldn't have been more different than Axel and me, or Axel and Larxene for that matter.

If it had been _me _walking down the street with Axel, he would have been hauling me behind him, his hand tight around my forearm, pressing down on the bruises left from last night and cutting off my circulation, while I struggled to keep up. If it had been Larxene, they wouldn't have been touching at all. They most likely would have been squabbling, jabbing fingers at each other and arguing in shrill voices. It might have even descended into a slapping match, eventually. Axel apparently feels no qualms about hitting girls.

But the high-schooler...each time I saw the two of them walking down the street, or even once in the convenience store, they were holding hands. And conversing in normal, friendly--no, _loving_--tones. It rankled me, seeing Axel and his high school boyfriend together. Previously I'd thought Axel was cruel to me because he had no idea _how _to be kind, but seeing Axel and his new boyfriend made me realize with horror that he did first, I almost thought Axel was simply manipulating the boy, but now, after seeing them together so many times...I'm beginning to think that he _does _love the high school boy genuinely.

Hence, the jealousy. Perfectly understandable, then! you might say. It's perfectly understandable for me to envy the pampered new boyfriend of the man who abused me so horrifically in high school. How? I wonder as I watch the two of them together, holding hands, talking with kindness and mutual respect to each other, how can the person who did all of those things to me--how can he be so kind? So gentle? Why does _that _boy deserve Axel's kindness more than _I _did? And that's where the jealousy comes in.

In Axel's case, it's understandable. Not so much in _Demyx's _case.

* * *

This is illogical. This is _entirely _illogical. She is fucking _five years old _and if you're feeling jealous of her that way, then you're just a pervert.

You cannot imagine how many times I repeated this mantra, over and over again in my head, watching Demyx play with Maddie, watch him tickle her, hug her, laugh with her, sing to her, pat her affectionately on the head and tell her how much he cares about her....

I tell myself that it is wrong to feel the way I do, standing in the doorway watching the two of them frolic in pure, chaste, _completely _un-romantic nonsexual happiness. She is five; he is twenty. He just feels like a kind big brother. That is _all. _He's being nice to her, and heaven knows she deserves it.

Ah, Madison LeFevre, with a sob story to make even Axel choke up a bit. Well, not _Axel, _but Larxene. I know because Demyx told Larxene about Maddie once when she asked him. Who knew Larxene had a soft spot for sob stories? At least the sob stories of cute, innocent little five-year-old girls with blonde braids and big blue eyes.

The fact that _Larxene _can choke up at the little girl's sob story seems to suggest that I might be vaguely sociopathic. How is it that _I _don't feel anything whenever I hear Maddie's unhappy tale? Nothing, no pity, no sadness, not even a stab of compassion or pride that Maddie still managed to come through all that fairly normal. Just a faint hint of annoyance and "great-here-we-go-again" whenever Demyx launches into the same worn old story, over and over again. Yes, yes, I already know. She was born to a mother who had no idea who her father was, who later acquired a succession of boyfriends who all abused poor little Maddie. The mother herself eventually ended up dumping Maddie into a foster care center, where she remained until Demyx found her. I can't remember what we were doing there in the first place--volunteer work, probably (it looks good on the resume). We certainly hadn't come with the intention of becoming...hell, foster parents. Not technically, since this is of course the United States of America, but in all essence that is what we are.

So now I must deal with _her. _Surprisingly, I don't have to do much. I just cook like usual and try to keep our apartment as clean as possible (_im_possible when you are living with Demyx. I swear I have found things under Demyx's bed that are probably_ alive)_, and Demyx takes care of all the "parent" business. And then some.

I always knew that Demyx was more open than Axel, but....he was still never _truly _loving with me. And I, just like I had thought for Axel, believed that this was because Demyx was _i_ncapableof loving. I didn't mind--the only reason we were together was for the sex. We had a vaguely symbiotic relationship--I needed to be dominated, he needed to dominate. Our relationship has never been one of love, but one of need.

This is logical. This still does not silence the part of me that wishes we had..._more._

I used to be able to silence that part by telling myself that no matter how much I wished for it, Demyx was simply unable to give it to me. How could _that _idiot, that laughing, smiling, perverted idiot, ever be able to love?

I cannot silence this part of me anymore. No matter how much I tell myself that Demyx's love for Maddie is entirely different from what I want from him, I still can't feel that stab of..._jealousy_, damn it...whenever I see the two of them together. Whenever I see him smiling so freely with her, to see him playing and laughing and telling her that she is loved, that he cares about her...

By the time he starts doing _that, _I usually depart the room. He never notices--I don't think he ever notices that I am watching him, either.

I wish I could tell him how I feel, but just trying to _think _of the right words to say makes me cringe. It makes me realize how immature I must be, feeling jealous of someone like her. She is a kind, cute, sweet little girl who deserves happiness and love--this I know logically. I _should _be happy that she's finally found what she needs with Demyx, but at the same time, I can't shake this jealousy. The envy, the illogical impulse to switch places with her whenever Demyx tells her she is loved.

But of course, being me, I am an expert at suppressing how I truly feel--I can even, to an extent, hide my feelings from myself. This was first taught to me by my father, who impressed on me the importance of never showing any weakness, and later perfected during my days with Axel. I would never have survived if I hadn't been able to hide my emotions--hide _myself._

So I keep what I _really _feel about Maddie locked deep inside, in the churning pit of my deepest most visceral secrets, and get through the days repeating the same mantra, over and over again...

No one can survive doing this forever. Eventually, it will all come out, come out in one awful raging torrent I cannot stop because I have never dealt with emotions like these before.

Which might explain what eventually--inevitably--happened.

Maybe I had just been having a bad day, I don't know. I probably was. I had just encountered Axel, who had done his usual thing--namely, groped me and leered at me and dropped not-so-vague insinuations that he would appreciate it greatly if he had me back. Back in his bed, at the very least. I punched him in the face and stormed off. Rather excessive of me, and I am the last to condone violence, but all the same. Only a few seconds ago I'd glimpsed him leaving the movie theater with his stupid high school boyfriend. I was in a particularly foul mood and I needed to vent.

Needless to say, when I got back to the apartment I was _not _in the best of moods. Not that I usually am, but that's another story.

Does that excuse what I did? It explains what I did, I'm sure enough. I had just seen Axel with his boyfriend, and seeing Maddie, sprawled so contently on the floor, hard at work with her markers on a piece of paper, caused an irrational curl of rage to snake up within me. I couldn't get the picture of Axel's boyfriend out of my mind, the blonde-haired blue-eyed kid laughing so easily with the bastard. Unbidden, a memory arose in me of earlier that day, of Demyx laughing with Maddie, as blonde and blue-eyed as Axel's boyfriend.

_He never laughed with me. He only ever laughed at my pain, at my humiliation._

Perhaps this is what seized me to take one step, then two, then three until I was looming directly over her. Maddie looked up, surprise evident in her wide blue eyes. As far as she could remember--as _I _could remember--I had never directly spoken to her before. I surprised even me.

"Hello there, little girl," I said with all the harsh sarcasm I could muster. "Are we having _fun _here?What's that you're drawing?"

"Uh...um..." Maddie stammered. I think she was a little afraid of me--naturally, since I was glaring down at her as if I wanted nothing more than to fry her to a crisp with my eyes. A bit cruel of me especially considering she is _five. _But looking back, I can't help but cringe at everything I did back then.

_  
_At length Maddie said in her sweet, high-pitched voice which was nothing short of aggravating to me at the moment, "I'm drawing a picture. For--for Demyx."

"Really, now," I said, still in that harshly sarcastic tone.

"Uh-huh--it's a picture of me and him--" said Maddie, clearly proud now. I looked down at the paper but all I saw were a bunch of colorful scribbles. I don't have much of an eye for art anyhow. Words have always been much more easy for me to appreciate.

"I see," I said. "How _nice."_

"Mm-hmm!" agreed Maddie, nodding, her braids bouncing. She seemed completely unperturbed by my increasing coldness--resilient girl. "Demyx told me ta work _extra _hard on it to make it really pretty! He said if it's real pretty he'll hang it on the wall!"

"Is that so?" I said. Something cold and hard and angry was beginning to rise up within me. Against my will, I remembered an incident where Demyx had gotten angry enough at me (I can't remember why) that he had grabbed my copy of _Paradise Lost_--the same copy that Lexaeus had given me for my thirteenth birthday--and tore the pages out in fistfuls, berating me, but I can't remember what he said, because I could only stare in transfixed horror at the shreds of yellowish paper flying in the air, seeing my past, my friendship with Lexaeus, go up in the air...

I think, more than anything, it was _that _memory that prompted me to do what I did next.

"That's _very _nice," I said, slowly, exaggeratedly, in a voice that did not sound like mine. I had no idea I could speak with such harsh coldness, with such cruel sarcasm, in such a sardonic yet fierce tone of voice. "A picture for Demyx, hmmm? A picture that he'd like to _frame, _apparently."

I had no idea what I was saying now, and I really didn't care. What I said was not important. It was what I _did _next. I remember, and I regret now, but at the time, what I did felt like the only right thing to do.

I snatched the paper from Maddie's surprised hands, and, mind whirling, a nameless fury clouding my head and destroying the logic I usually am so proud of, I ripped it in half. It came apart with a very satisfactory tearing sound, and in my head I was envisioning Demyx shredding up _Paradise Lost..._

Maddie stared, wide-eyed, her lower lip trembling, giving me a look that would make any normal, sane human being feel the urge to give her a great big hug and words of comfort. It just incensed me more. I tore both halves in half again and tossed them contempuously in Maddie's lap.

It felt good, but only for a moment. Because the next instant, Maddie began to is not one of those children who screech and scream and wail insanely, like the bratty kids you must always, _always _encounter in any public place--the library is the most annoying--and make you wish more than anything to grab them and _make _them shut up, preferably with a pillow (if you catch my drift). I would never be able to stand Maddie if she cried like that.

No, her tears came slower, welling up in her quivering blue eyes first (a sight to make any decent person melt into a puddle of pity, I'm sure), before streaking down her face and dripping pathetically into her lap. She stared down at the torn quarters of the picture she'd been drawing and unleashed one--one--quavering little sob.

By now, I _should _have been feeling incredibly horrible and guilty for the awful crime I'd just committed. But seeing Maddie cry just made me angrier. Looking back, I cringe at what I did next--because I had a chance_, _right then, to salvage the situation. To get down on my knees beside her and pat her on the back and apologize to her, and do my best to make it up to her...

"Zexy, you never make _anything _easy," is a favorite line of Demyx's. And what I did next, I suppose, is proof.

Because as Maddie began trying to fit the quarters back together--she was stilltrying to salvage her drawing--I bent down and snatched one of them for her. And tore it in half. And tore it in half. And tore it in half. Et cetera ad nauseum. I let the pieces of paper rain down her like snowflakes--they were barely any bigger. By now, I could hear nothing, not Maddie's whimpered little sobs, not Demyx tuning his guitar a few rooms down, not even myself, saying, smirkingly, caustically, and cruelly,"So, you like jigsaw puzzles, don't you? Why don't you try putting _this _puzzle together?" All I heard was an infernal buzzing in my ears.

"Unh...aahhh...waah...ngh..." gulped and whimpered Maddie, in a very valiant attempt to control her tears. "M-my-my p-p-p-p-pictuuurrre..."

The buzzing still ringing in my ears, I bent down to grab another one of the quarters--but to my shock Maddie leapt up and seized my leg, and screamed, "_Nooo! Nooo! Please--no--"_

"What the fuck, let go of me," I snarled, too caught up in the heat of my rage to care about either my language or her.I was just filled with the sudden, ferocious urge to destroy something...and that something was Maddie's picture. "Damn it--let _go, _you damn little brat--"

"_Nooo! Nooooo!" _Maddie continued screeching at the top of her lungs, holding so tightly on to my leg that it hurt. She didn't seem to much care about my increasingly foul language. "Don't--I'm sorry, I'm sorry, sorry, sorry--I'll be good--_please_--"

"Let--the fuck--_go!" _I yelled, kicking as hard as I could, but needless to say that wasn't very hard and that certainly didn't dislodge Maddie. "All right, you little--"

"_What the HELL is going on here?"_

I froze--and in that instant all of the burning anger left me, to be replaced by a cold sinking sensation in the pit of my stomach. I knew that voice even if I didn't recognize it, so twisted with rage and fury and indignant it was. _Demyx. _

"Waaah--aaaah _waaaaaaaaaaaahhh!!!" _wailed Maddie, immediately running from me to divebomb tackle Demyx. Her attempt was unsuccessful since Demyx ismuch older and stronger than her, so she could only cling tightly to his legs like she had been clinging to mine earlier, sobbing madly. Demyx bent down to haul her up in his arms, and held her, patting her gently on the back and rocking her back and forth while she let loose misery-wracked sobs.

Seeing him hold her made a bit of the old rage and jealousy jump back inside me--but mostly I still felt cold and almost _afraid _inside. I didn't want to look at Demyx so I didn't. I looked at the floor, at the tatters of Maddie's drawing scattered all over like so many snowflakes.

After some length, while I just stood there and Demyx comforted Maddie, Demyx set Maddie back down on the floor. She had stopped wailing now, though she still looked miserable. Demyx sank to his knees beside her, patted her on the head, and whispered something in her ear, and she nodded and then took a few steps behind him. He then directed his attention to me.

He crossed the room in three quick strides, and then, before I had _any _idea what had happened, I had fallen hard to the floor, my cheek stinging, my mind whirling in surprise. It wasn't over yet--Demyx then hauled me up by the collar and slapped me, hard, again.

"D-D-_Demyx_--" I gasped.

"You little bitch. You _motherfucking son of a bitch," _hissed Demyx, hauling me up so that our faces were only inches apart. I had never seen him get so angry before--I'd thought he'd been mad when he'd been trashing Milton. Well, he was positively _furious _now. His voice trembled from the force of his anger as he spoke and he didn't seem to care that he was spitting on me as he gave me several hard shakes, his eyes burning.

"What did you do? What the _hell _did you do? _What did you do to Maddie?"_

"I-I-I--I d-d-didn't d-do _anything _t-to h-her--" I stammered mindlessly, and actually, this _was _the truth. All I'd injured was her drawing, not her body. I'd never stoop down to smacking a five-year-old. That would be too low, even for me. I'd like to think that in at least _some _ways I'm superior to Axel.

Another slap, harder than the first two. I couldn't help it--I actually whimpered from the pain. It had been a long time since I'd been slapped like this. Demyx did hit me but those times were few and far between and he usually just slapped me once and then dropped on his knees immediately after begging me to forgive him. But hitting me over and over again for the express purpose of punishment...

...it was something Axel would do.

"Little liar," hissed Demyx into my face. I squeezed my eyes shut and turned away, not wanting to look at him--because I knew that when I did, I'd see a smirking green maliciousness shining behind his blue eyes. Demyx got my attention with yet another slap, and a hard shake as well.

"Look at me when I'm talking to you," he snapped, in that voice that was not his, that voice that was corrupted by a mindless fury and rage.

I whimpered in a miserable attempt to appease to him. "D-Demyx--_please_--I d-didn't--"

"'Do anything wrong'?" finished Demyx. Am I really that easy to read that _Demyx _of all people can predict what I'm going to say? I could only stare up at him, trembling. I tasted something faintly metallic and warm in my mouth. I swallowed it.

"Don't be such a conceited bitch," continued Demyx, shaking me again. "_You hurt Maddie. Look _what you did to her! You made her _cry, _damn it!" He pointed at Maddie, who was cowering behind a potted plant. I suspected another reason for her cowering, though--the Demyx _she _knew was a kind, gentle, loving big brother figure. He was not the sadist she was seeing now.

_Well, _I _thought he was gentle _too, _at first, _I thought fiercely.

"And _then _you have the gall to say you 'didn't do anything wrong'," Demyx continued raging, shaking me with every other word. I was starting to become dizzy, and my face stung where Demyx had slapped me. Somehow, dimly, I sensed I was only going to hurt even more when he was finished with me. "You make me _sick."_

So do I, I thought. Keep shaking me and I'll puke all over you.

I could not believe I was able to still think facetious thoughts in a situation such as this. This, I believe, is the primary divide between Axel and Demyx.

"Maddie..." said Demyx, his tone gentle. He'd even stopped shaking me. Somehow, it made me feel worse--that he was directing that nice, kind, gentle and loving tone at the girl cowering behind the potted plant, not the young man in his arms he'd been shaking and slapping. "Maddie...hey, Maddie, it's okay now. I'll make things right."

_How? By tormenting _me?

"Was that your picture he ripped? The picture of me and you you were gonna draw?" Demyx continued, still in that awful gentle tone. When Maddie nodded, he turned back to me. The rage in his eyes burned, made them seem almost green and narrowed and malicious, not wide, blue, innocent. He shook me one more time, but then mercifully let go of the front of my shirt. I fell hard to the floor, winded and surprised.

"Ahh--Demyx--" I began.

The next instant, he seized me roughly by the wrist and dragged me after him. I stumbled behind him, remembering that this was the way that Axel had first raped me...

Behind us, Maddie whimpered and hid behind the leaves of her newfound friend, the potted Aloe Vera.

* * *

WTF for humorous ending. I find that for a lot of these stories, even the darkest, there ends up being a bit of a humorous aspect anyhow. It fits with Zexion's more sardonic voice in this story, I guess.

Don't be shy, tell me what you think. I'm particularly nervous about, well, Maddie. I don't like OC's in fanfic much, but her existenc is necessary for this fic, and the fact that she kind of has Mary Sue tendencies is intentional (though that definitely doesn't justify what Zexion did, the jerk).

Fictionpress plug fictionpress plug fictionpess plug stay around for _Tainted's _update plug plug plug


	2. Part II

**Paradise Lost**

_AU. Zexion, always possessive, is jealous of Demyx's new young charge. Even if he happens to be four times her age. Very angsty._

Rating: M

Pairings: Zemyx, mentioned AkuZeku, AkuRoku, and Axel/Larxene. Sheez, Axel sure gets around.

Warnings: Slash, OC's, ABUSE, ABUSIVE!DEMYX, AU, mentions of sex, bad language, first person

Everyone in this story keeps on getting more and more douchebaggy. This time it's Demyx's turn.

Yeah, umm, if you really love the guy and think he's the paragon of sweetness and light...time to turn back.

Not much to say, except you'll probably all be flooding towards _Tainted _soon, since I'm about to update it. Something tells me it's not so good to write my author's notes in real time...

* * *

The instant the two of us entered our bedroom in which we usually stayed up all night engaged in various unsavory pursuits, Demyx threw me as hard as he could against the bed. I collapsed on the mattress, winded, breathing hard. Sweat was pouring in rivers down my neck and plastering my hair to my face. Demyx loomed above me, tall, imposing.

I barely had time to take in what was happening before he grabbed my shirt and began unbuttoning it, his movements fast and fierce, his hands roughly tearing the buttons out of the holes and not caring if any of them popped off, which quite a few did. Clearly Demyx was going to punish me--_that _way. And not with his cock. I foresaw being tied to the chair and forced to fuck myself with a well-oiled Sam Adams for the rest of the afternoon and night.

But to my surprise, when Demyx finished ripping the buttons of my shirt he didn't do anything more. He didn't even take my shirt off. He simply stood up and stormed to the opposite side of the room, where he stood surveying the wall for an extended period of time. I waited, my breath catching in my throat.

For some time the only sound was the two of us breathing--his in enraged little puffs, mine fast and short in fear. But then the moment was over and Demyx turned back around to grab me roughly by the shoulder and shove me hard so I fell on my back on the bed. I gasped and tried to get up but he kept his hand clamped firmly over my shoulder, holding me down.

"Zexion," he said, infusing each syllable with as much venom as he could muster. A tremor shot down my spine. "You are the biggest fucking dick I have ever had the misfortune of--"

I almost thought he was going to say "fucking". Instead, he said, "meeting." Which made a bit more sense in context.

"How could you--how could you be so--so--_so_--so fucking _cruel?" _he snarled, struggling for words. His inability to articulate only made his rage more fearsome, though. He continued grinding me into the bed. The hand on my shoulder was heavy and it hurt, and I wanted very badly to push it off. Not that he would ever allow me. "You--for you to just do something like _that, _you son of a _bitch_! She's just a little girl! How _dare _you--"

"What the hell are you talking about?" I snarled, suddenly angry. Once more, here was Demyx going on and on about how sweet and innocent and perfect poor cute little Maddie was. I for one was _sick _of it. I still didn't know why I did what I did but now I told myself it didn't really matter. I hadn't even done anything that major, and I told this to Demyx.

"All I did was rip up her picture--and so? It's _her _problem if she is so bothered by it. She should just grow a spine and realize it's just a fucking drawing. No need to act like the world is ending or someth--_ungh!"_

Demyx very rudely did not let me finish, as he had just slapped me hard again. Once more I tasted blood in my mouth. I held it in, tasting its metallic flavor, before swallowing it. I glared at him. All my fear was gone, replaced by an indignant rage--an indignant rage built from months of barely-repressed jealousy.

"She was making that drawing for _me," _snarled Demyx. "Bitch," he added, just to fulfill his "swear-at-Zexion" quota.

"So what," I snapped back. "You could hardly call that the next Mona Lisa. All _I _saw was a bunch of scribbles."

"You don't get it," Demyx said, a note of derision entering his voice. "It's not _how _the picture looks, it's the thought that counts. Though I doubt a socially inept little logician like you would be able to understand."

"But it wasn't anything you would want to hang on your wall, if you've got the slightest modicum of taste," I said, unable to suppress anymore my mounting rage and frustration. I could barely speak--my throat felt tight, closed-off. I had half a mind of reaching for my inhaler but I knew this wasn't the sudden tightness of an incoming asthma attack, but rather, the inability to speak through a very hard lump in my throat. Something burned behind my eyes, but I suppressed it.

I had never let Demyx see me cry. I wasn't about to start.

"That doesn't mean a thing, you little bitch," Demyx said. "Just _why _did you do it? I always knew you were a cold and heartless person--"

"Why, thank you," I said sarcastically. I almost expected a blow for this, but none came. Demyx went on, a new note of rage flashing in his voice.

"--but this proves it behind anything. What I want to know is--_why? _How could you hurt such a nice little girl like that? Maddie never did anything to you!" I opened my mouth to reply but Demyx continued raging, cutting off anything I was going to say. "I mean, it's not like I haven't already noticed that you don't like Maddie. I know you don't like kids, not at all. You were against us even taking Maddie in, I remember. I know you don't like her. Still--I never thought that you would ever...do _this."_

Well, Demyx was a little more astute than I gave him credit for. Still, he'd completely missed the mark. Per usual. It wasn't just because I didn't like kids. That was part of it, all right, but the main reason had to do with--

Demyx, hugging Maddie as she wept, kneeling beside her and whispering confidentially into her ear, comforting her...I blinked back the wetness that had risen in my eyes, and tried my hardest to speak through the lump clogging my throat.

"It's not--it's not--_that," _I managed to force out, and I congratulated myself. Only a faint quavering note had slipped into my voice.

"What is it, then?" he snapped, impatience and righteous anger mingling in his voice.

"It's...damn it, Demyx," I said, shaking my head, pulling myself up--I realized that Demyx had released me. "It's...how can you...I thought you were a bastard. A complete--a bastard. I th-thought y-you didn't know _how _to be--to be--_nice. _B-but...you're nice...to her...why not...t-to...._me?"_

I couldn't help it--much to my shame I almost descended into a sob at the end, but managed to pull myself together in time. I turned away from Demyx, not wanting to look at him. Not wanting to see his reaction, not wanting him to see my weakness, my _shame._

Much to my shock, Demyx responded to my confession by laughing. He let out a short, harsh chuckle that made something shiver within me. I turned to face him again. He was smiling, a big, doofy smile, but it held a twisted and cruel quality.

"Oh my God_, _Zexy," he said, sounding as if he had just heard a very stupid joke. "Are you fucking _kidding _me? Don't tell me..._you're jealous of a five-year-old?"_

There it was--everything I had feared, everything I had kept to myself..._for this precise reason. _I knew Demyx wouldn't understand. I knew he'd just laugh, that he'd treat it like a joke. Sometimes, I too thought I was just joking in the most bizarre way possible.

"Zexion, you immature little dickwad, _think. _Just think, baby. How much older than her are you?" he said, pacing back and forth, still grinning to himself. "That's right--you're four times her age. And you're feeling jealous of her. Jealous enough to rip up a picture she was working very hard on, and make her cry_. _Oh, God."

He sank down with a _whump _on the bed right next to me. I jerked and moved to the side, but he didn't appear to mind my avoiding him. He just laughed again. "Good God_, _Zexy. I have never--I've neverheard of anything like this. I mean, I know and I can understand sibling rivalry. I've got twelve of 'em, you know! And I'd be lying if I said I didn't at times feel jealous of some of my younger siblings But--we're only a few years apart. I'd never feel jealous of, you know, my littlest siblings. I mean, it's _natural _for the older to want to protect the younger, right? Particularly the older you are, the younger they are. I've never felt jealous of my youngest brothers and sisters. I just wanted to make sure they were...you know, safe and okay. Same as with Maddie. But _you. You, _Zexion. Oh my God..."

He laughed again, a few weak chuckles. I lowered my head and stared down at my hands in my lap. "I...it's not like _I'd _understand," I said quietly, amazed at how I was able to keep my voice even. "I...I don't have any siblings..."

"Well, yeah, but still_," _Demyx said. "You mustknow how immature you're being. Especially to Maddie. She's never done anything to hurt you, and this is how you treat her!"

I cast a sidelong glance at him. "I just...I don't understand...why do you have to be...so...so _nice _to her? Especially..." I trailed off, not because I had no more words but because I felt Demyx would laugh at me again. _Especially when you're not nice at all to me._

"Well, duh! She's a nice girl," said Demyx. "If you were normal _you'd _be nice to her too! Not to mention all the shit that happened to her! She's really lucky, to have come through it like she has, but still...she's fragile, okay? Treat her nicely. Lord knows she deserves it."

_And what do _I _deserve? _For five years, as long as Maddie's lifetime, I had been caught in an abusive relationship of some sort or the other. First there had been Axel (once again I remembered Demyx slapping me, felt the stinging on my face), and then...Demyx. Who was an improvement over Axel in some ways.

In other ways, he was even worse.

I almost wanted to voice this thought, that I too had been through a good deal of shit, but the instant I did I realized what retaliation Demyx would put forth, if it wasn't a slap. He would tell me that I had a _choice. _He'd tell me Maddie didn't choose to have a negligent mother with abusive boyfriends, while I..._I _could easily have left Demyx, could have left Axel. I didn't deserve sympathy the same way Maddie did because I had done this to myself.

Or perhaps this wasn't what Demyx was going to say, but simply what I believed. I still do believe this, in a way.

Demyx was still berating me though I hadn't been paying much attention. "I can't believe how _immature _you are, Zexy. Imagine that--being jealous of a five-year-old! Hey, why don't you go right now and apologize to her? You _are _sorry, right? I mean, you can't stay mad at her for long. Go on, Zexy. Apologize to Maddie."

His tone had become inviting, warm, cajoling--but I still hadn't forgotten the blazing rage that had been burning in it only a short while before. I thought about what would happen if I did apologize to Maddie. Oh, she'd accept, most probably, and then everything would return to normal. I'd go back to my reading, Demyx would go back to tuning his guitar and spending time with Maddie...he would hug her, and smile at her, and call her a good girl and tell her that she was loved and play with her and laugh with her and...

"No," I said, so low I could barely hear myself.

Demyx's mood instantly transformed--from casual to fierce and attentive, like a tightly coiled spring ready to snap any second. "What's that you said?" he said, his tone dangerous. "A little louder, if you please."

I obliged. I stood up from the bed, faced Demyx, and said, looking into his cold blue eyes, looking into Axel's smirking green eyes, "_No."_

I had been expecting the slap that came but I was completely unprepared for how _hard _it was. I almost fell to the carpet, so winded I was from its stinging force, but Demyx hauled me up by the collar and slapped me on the other side of the face, equally as hard. He was shouting at me, but I barely paid attention.

"_You little son of a bitch! Like it or not you are going to apologize to Maddie this instant! You hear?" _But I didn't--I heard nothing but the infernal buzzing in my ears. I heard Namine begging me to stop leave behind Demyx for my own sake. I heard Marluxia tell me that even _he _didn't understand Demyx. I heard Axel, smirking and laughing and calling me an idiot for believing Demyx to be my salvation, my salvation from him.

I heard Professor Vexen, trying to ask me about Demyx's relationship with me while I dodged all of his questions. I heard Dr. Ansem, telling me in no uncertain terms that if I continued seeing Demyx, I would end up permanantly injured, if not in body, then in mind. I heard Lexaeus, using few words to tell me happy birthday, and how he would always be there for me.

The familiar warm coppery taste was back in my mouth. This time, instead of swallowing, I spat--contempuously, straight at Demyx's feet.

A splotch of bright red appeared on the pale carpet, shining like a crimson beacon. My head spun and I brought my hand to my mouth and coughed on it--coughed up more blood. Demyx stared, his eyes perfectly round and almost foolish, quivering a bit as he looked from the blood-slash-spit on the ground to the bloody saliva I was currently wiping off my hand with my shirt.

"Oh...oh my God," he gasped, horror-stricken.

I laughed, a series of harsh flat chuckles, even though I saw nothing humorous about the situation. I didn't know how else to react to Demyx being such a--such a contempible _idiot._ Well, that had made him see. Now I could see that Demyx hadn't suddenly decided to reveal his very Axel-ish inner nature--he had obviously never intended to slap me that hard. Quite unlike Axel who had occasionally hit me just to see me cough up blood.

"Don't worry _too _much," I told Demyx in the same sarcastic tone I'd used earlier to talk to Maddie--a whole world ago. A trickle of blood ran out of my mouth down my chin as I spoke. I wiped it off with my sleeve. "Back when I was with Axel there were times when I was spitting out blood into a bucket. Compared to him--what _you _did is piddling."

Compared to Axel. But compared to what Demyx had done in the past...that was easily the hardest beating I'd ever taken under him.

"Oh my God," repeated Demyx. "Oh my God..._Zexy..._did I...did _I..._"

"Yes, you did," I said coldly. I spat one last time, this time on to my shirt. Damn, I'd probably never be able to wear that shirt again. Not that I was planning to, since it was missing all of its buttons now. It made quite a perfect "handkerchief" for me to cough into. That seemed to be the extent of the blood for now, because I didn't taste any more warm metallic wetness in my mouth.

"Oh my God," said Demyx for maybe the fifth or sixth time in recent memory. He immediately hopped off the bed and ran over to me, to seize the front of my shirt, which I'd been using to wipe the last of the blood from my mouth. It was spotted with crimson. "I didn't...Zexy...I didn't _mean _to..."

"Demyx," I said very quietly. The lump in my throat had returned, full force. I told myself angrily, _It's not like he actually cares. He's only shocked because he didn't mean to hurt me that badly. Doesn't change the fact that he still wanted to hurt me, and he did. _"Demyx...I also...I didn't mean to...to do what _I _did either."

Which was true, as far as I knew. I still didn't know--and I still don't know--exactly _what _had possessed me to storm up to Maddie and tear up her picture. It had come from a deeper, more feral part of me, a part I didn't understand and didn't want to. Demyx, too, seemed to possess a feral dark side, just like me--and _that _side had been the one beating me so viciously.

I wondered--did Axel have one too? Or had he chosen to let the feral dark side consume him, and _be _him? Because I couldn't imagine Axel behaving in a more animalistic manner than he already did, at least to me.

"Zexy..." I jerked, alarmed. While I'd been lost in thoughts, I hadn't noticed that Demyx had draped his arms around me. I immediately started, repulsed at the idea that _those _arms--the same hands that had been so violently beatingme only a short while before--were now touching me so affectionately. But another impulse was even stronger, and this impulse allowed me to slump against Demyx's warm chest and hang there in his gentle but strong grip.

It was the desire to just be _held._

"Zexy..." Demyx said again in a low murmur, nuzzling his face against my hair. I clung to his shirt and buried my face in it. It smelled of fabric softener and toothpaste. I didn't want to know why it smelled like the latter. "Zexy...I...I'm really sorry. I didn't mean...I mean...I guess it's not enough to apologize, is it?"

"No," I said, burying my face deeper in Demyx's shirt and deciding that Demyx's toothpaste didn't smell _that _bad. "No, it's not enough. It's never enough."

"I see," said Demyx, almost sadly. His hands had begun stroking me, running gently up and down my back. I shivered slightly when I realized I wasn't wearing my shirt, since I'd taken it off to cough blood into. "I see...so that's how it is."

"It's not enough," I repeated. I wasn't even sure if Demyx could hear me, since I still had my face buried in his shirt. "It's not enough...but I'll settle for it. For now."

"Oh, Zexy," he said with a low sigh. "Sometimes I wish you'd stop forgiving me."

Sometimes, I wish the exact same thing, Demyx dear.

Demyx then took my face in his hands, lifting me from his shirt. I protested with a little whimper--it had been getting quite warm and comfortable in there, toothpase smell notwithstanding--but then he smiled and winked at me, before pulling me into a deep, passionate kiss...

When we pulled away, after Demyx's tongue had finished its desperate, hungry explorations of my mouth (or rather, we both needed to surface for air), Demyx wiped his mouth and laughed a bit--not a harsh laugh, but a gentle little chuckle. "Bloody licorice. Who'd've thought it would taste so nice?"

"What do you mean?" I said.

"I mean to say...it's just that you taste like licorice. Most of the time," said Demyx, frowning and scratching his head. "And the blood part's self-explanatory."

"What the hell do you mean," I said, miffed. "I taste like 'licorice'? I don't even eat licorice, and I personally think it's disgusting--"

Demyx laughed and affectionately touched the side of my face. Despite myself I jerked away--my face still stung from all the slaps. "Oh, sorry," said Demyx guiltily, realizing the same thing.

I glared at him but couldn't think of anything angry to say to him. Had we made up, or would my own repressed feelings burst out once more in the future, with a most unpleasant outcome? I didn't know...and right now I found that, to my surprise, I didn't much care.

"So," said Demyx, smiling and settling for ruffling my hair if he couldn't touch my face. "How do _I _taste, Zexy darling?"

Despite myself, I felt the lump rise up in my throat again. How long had it been since he had called me "darling?" I _knew _it was just a play-name and it meant nothing, but still...I liked to pretend, sometimes, that I really _was _Demyx's "darling." Which was easier to do if he actually called me that.

"I don't know," I said, answering his question truthfully. "You just taste like whatever it is you've just eaten."

"Oh," Demyx said. He sounded vaguely disappointed. "So, what'd I taste like _this _time?"

I answered him with a kiss--not a long kiss, just quick enough to dart my tongue into his mouth once and pull out before he could figure out what was happening and take the reins of dominance from me. I smirked at him when he gave me a stupid flummoxed look in response.

"Hey," he whined. But then, "So? I think I had a chicken cutlet sandwich for lunch--"

I lifted a finger and pressed it to his lip to shush him. "Toothpaste," I replied, and leaned in for another kiss.

And another...and another...and another...

* * *

Yes, I just followed an angsty scene with a fluffy scene. I don't know what I was thinking, either.

One more (somewhat shorter) section coming and this story is done.

In the meantime, do check out my fictionpress. And review, if you feel like it.


	3. Part III

**Paradise Lost**

_AU. Zexion, always possessive, is jealous of Demyx's new young charge. Even if he happens to be four times her age. Very angsty._

Rating: M

Pairings: Zemyx, mentioned AkuZeku, AkuRoku, and Axel/Larxene. Sheez, Axel sure gets around.

Warnings: Slash, OC's, abuse, abusive!Demyx, AU, MENTIONS OF SEX, bad language, first person

Yay! The final part of this three-part oneshot.

Thanks for all the reviews, everyone. If you enjoy this universe and want to see more from it, let me know, and I'll try to post what I have written (seriously...I wrote a ton for it, I'm amazed myself). Most of what remains is just pointless PWP's, though; I think that this story is easily one of the more high quality of the sadist!Dem fics.

In the meantime, do check out my fictionpress. I'm coming close to posting **Prelude to Broken Memory**, but I don't know if now is a good time or not. I'd like to be guaranteed of a readership before I post up anything of that story...

* * *

Later that night, Demyx ran a hand through my hair as we both sat together in the bathtub. After Demyx and I had finished making out I went out and found Maddie behind the Aloe Vera, and got down on my knee and apologized to her. By then, I actually _did _feel rather guilty for my incredibly crass and boorish act. I told her as much though I doubt that Maddie knows what "crass" and "boorish" mean.

Afterwards, Maddie fell asleep, which Demyx and I took as an invitation to...

..._you know._

Demyx's hand was warm and heavy on my head. He teased the stands of wet slate-colored hair, tugging and twisting absently. I was quite comfortable. The water was warm and Demyx had one hand around my waist (gingerly avoiding the bruises further down), and he was humming a distracted little tune.

"You know, Zexy, I've been thinking."

I blinked in surprise, startled out of my content reverie by Demyx speaking. I turned to cast him a sidelong glance with a half-closed eye.

"Well, isn't that a surprise," I said dryly. "You..._thinking."_

"Aww, can it, Zexy," said Demyx, but his tone was good-natured. There was certainly none of the blinding fury that had been raging in his voice only a few hours before, when he'd been beating me...

I winced. Demyx had actually raised a few bruises on my face, which made him miserable and compelled him to apologize over and over again all the while I was demanding him to hurry up and fuck me already. But it made sense--to Demyx, injuring my face was the gravest possible crime one could possibly commit. Part of the reason, I suspect, he hates Axel with such fervor.

"But _anyway," _said Demyx very deliberately. He was still stroking my hair. "I...I've been doing some thinking--yeah, _thinking_--about us. About...you know...you and I. And Maddie."

I was so surprised I didn't even bother trying to correct Demyx's grammar. I sat up a little straighter, and turned my neck so I could face Demyx. Demyx was smiling, but his smile held an underlying seriousness.

"What about...us?" I said. "And...her."

No doubt, he was going to tell me what he _really _thought of me. And while a part of me--the part that was sick and tired of pretense and just wanted to know the truth, no matter how hard, cold, or bitter it might be--wanted it, most of me rebelled violently against that thought. Maybe I _did _want the pretense, the dreams, the idea that I was Demyx's "darling" even though I wasn't, the idea that he _loved _me, that he truly cared...

He cared about Maddie--that was more than clear. But me...the only thing _I _was good for was pleasuring him at night. That was all. It stung badly to think about it that way but...it was the truth.

I lowered my head. I didn't want to hear, but...if I had to, I would. I wasn't aware of taking Demyx's hand, of squeezing it, but I did. I felt Demyx's jolt of surprise but then he relaxed and leaned on my shoulder.

"Hey, what's with the long face, Zexy dear?" he whispered into my ear. Damn it, he was taking _that _tone--his kind, sweet, gentle tone--with me. Now that he was finally going to tell the truth I couldn't stand for him to talk to me that way. I almost wished for him to yell at me again.

"Nothing...it's nothing," I said quietly, staring down at myself, at the bruises from our hard fucking. "Continue."

"Okay, then..." said Demyx. A faint emotion--_concern?--_hung in his voice. "I was...I dunno. I just started thinking about you and Maddie. You know...I started wondering why you were jealous of her."

"It's nothing," I mumbled. "I'm not jealous."

Which was, of course, the farthest thing from the truth.

"Oh, Zexy," sighed Demyx, running his free hand through my hair. "Don't lie."

I said nothing to this, just waited for him to continue. I wished that Demyx would stop being so gentle with his touches when he was plainly about to tell me in the starkest terms his true feelings for me, or lack thereof--but at the same time, I wanted to hold on to the delusion for just one second longer.

Unbidden, the lump rose in my throat again. I pulled myself closer to Demyx's warmth. It was all I had.

"Then it struck me," Demyx continued. He wasn't looking at me anymore, but at the ceiling. "You're just...you're just looking for someone to love, aren't you? That's what Namine told me."

Surprise rang through my head. I could only stare at Demyx. _Namine? _"When--when did--" I sputtered.

But Demyx went on, heedless of my surprise. "And I guess...maybe I haven't...I dunno." But then, with more purpose, more firmness to his voice, he went on. "But Zexy. I _do _love Maddie, understand this."

I lowered my head even more. Of _course. _Dear, sweet, innocent, cute, five-year-old Maddie with her lovely sob story. It was more surprising, I supposed, that I _hated _her.

"But...it's a different kind of love. Different from...what I feel for _you."_

_Please, oh please, Demyx. Stop talking. You don't realize that I know this already. All of it. I know that all you feel about me is lust; I know you really do love Maddie. I'm fine with that, but don't say it. It hurts too much to hear it like this._

"You see, the way I love Maddie is more like...I dunno. Like I'd love a little sister, or a daughter, even," said Demyx, rubbing the back of his head. "It's _that _kind of love. There's nothing romantic about it. It's just...I want to make sure she's safe and has a place to call home. Especially after everything that happened to her..."

"I _know _this already," I said quietly. Demyx went on, heedless of me.

"But you..._that _love is different."

I jerked, sloshing water out of the tub--that was how surprised I was. I could only stare wide-eyed at Demyx as he spoke, aware of nothing but his words, gentle and unassuming but meaning _everything, _the words that found their way into my mind and rang in my ears, rang with truth.

"I love you like I'd love...hell, I've never fallen in love before," said Demyx with a little shake of his head. "But I _know_--I'm in love with _you, _Zexy. I've never felt this way before. I know it. For you, I want more than just your happiness."

He paused. I stayed silent, not even daring to breathe.

"I want..." Demyx reached out and ran his hands down the sides of my face, down to my shoulders. He looked straight into my eyes and this time I looked straight back, seeing not a trace of shining green malice but pure blue, blue love and kindness and concern. "I want _you, _Zexion."

There was no answer I could give to this. No spoken answer, at the very least. My mind still ringing madly, my ears buzzing, this time with his words--_I'm in love with you...I've never felt this way before...I want you_--I leaned forward, and kissed Demyx.

We made out for how long, I don't know. All I know is that it was long enough for the water to become cold and we'd probably both contracted pneumonia, but by that point I no longer cared. After it was over, I curled up against Demyx's strong chest and wrapped my arms tightly around him, a gesture he returned. I was aware that I was trembling violently.

"Thank you, Demyx," I whispered. "Thank you."

_Please don't wake me up. I want this dream to last, for as long as it can...._

* * *

Well, morning comes, and we must all abandon our dreams.

Still, I wait for the day. The day Demyx tells me those words. Now, I no longer believe that he _doesn't _love me. He did kiss me while we were cleaning up, told me he was sorry, told me that if I had any problems I could always go to him...not exactly a confession_, _but all the same, I'll take what I can get.

Professor Vexen soberly informs me I am an idiot, and Marluxia does so in a slightly less pointed, more implied, manner. Perhaps I am, staying with Demyx because of an idiotic fantasy that will never come true. But I _want _to believe. More than anything--_I want to believe. _I've never had reason to believe in anything before, but now I do. Too bad it's completely ridiculous, but I'll believe because I have nothing else I can do. No other reason to be with Demyx, aside from the sex, of course, but that ceased to be satisfying long ago.

At least Demyx isn't nearly as unbearable as he was before that day. He takes care to be affectionate with me--after we screw at night, he holds me, calls me his darling, his sweetheart, his one and only. These are lies, of course, but they are comforting lies. Sometimes I pull away, not in the mood for lies and dreams, but most of the time I allow him to hold me, allow him to shower me with lies just because it makes me feel a bit--a _bit_--better.

When I think about it thatway I feel patheti c. I don't care anymore. I can handle being pathetic; I can't handle being alone.

Of course I am never alone. I have Demyx, and I have Maddie. Don't get me wrong--I'm _still _not entirely too fond of her. But at the very least we've reached a mutual understanding. I have never treated her as cruelly as I did that one day. I'm even teaching her to read now, though Demyx complains that the books I get for her are too hard. Too hard for _him, _maybe, but Maddie, thankfully, shows signs of being more like me when it comes to reading comprehension. Well, thank the lord for small favors, I suppose.

Sometimes, I look back on that day and wonder--what would have happened if I _hadn't _done what I had done? I would have escaped Demyx's rage, no doubt, but...but at the same time, in the most insane way, I believe what happened back then was mostly for the better. I showed Demyx exactly how cruel he could be. I was able to finally vent everything I'd kept pent up about him and Maddie. And if it hadn't been for that incident...Demyx would have just continued as he was, ignoring me, unknowingly belitting me, all the while loving and laughing with Maddie...

I suspect, though, that even if that incident hadn't happened, another one very similar would have, eventually. There is a limit to what you can keep repressed in the deepest pits of your being. My jealousy would never have been able to stay hidden for long. It would have to surface, some time or the other. If not at that time, some time not too much later.

This is my life now. An understanding Demyx, trying his best to please me. Even now, I often arrange words in my head, trying to find the right combination to represent my feelings _exactly, _and wait for the day when I can divulge them to him. Mutual understanding between me and Maddie, if not outright trust. And day by day, bit by bit, things are improving. Not much, but I can tell.

The surest sign of improvement happened one day about a month after the whole incident. Demyx had left--the note on the kitchen table said he had gone to the park with Maddie. Well, fine by me. I quashed the faint feeling of jealousy that snaked up within me--despite myself, I've never been able to completely banish this feeling. Then again, I feel this way when I see Demyx speaking with Marluxia or even Larxene, so I suppose it's just me being my usual jealous, possessive self. What _can _you do?

I entered the room we shared, to read, I suppose. But even as I flicked on the light, I noticed something was different--there was something on the bed. Something hard, dark, rectangular-shaped...

I walked slowly over to it, and, mind reeling in disbelief, picked it up, turned it over and over again in my hands, struggling to believe--

It was a book, bound beautifully in black leather, with the golden letters _Paradise Lost _shining on the cover.

* * *

If it wasn't clear, the bathtub scene was meant to be Zexion fantasizing. A very detailed fantasy, but he is a master of illusions, no? XD

Gah, well, you've got a semi-happy ending here. For the sadist!Dem fics, this one takes place relatively late in the timeline, so if I post any other works it'll mostly be Demyx being a sadistic bastard to Zexion, mostly in the form of some questionably consenual BDSM encounters. I get the feeling you'd all like to see that, though.

Do review, and do check out my fictionpress.


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